Sunday, March 30, 2008

Reflections 1 - Priorities

I wrote this to myself but I've decided to share it. wtf... it is MY blog about plastic modelling. It applies and it's relevant but maybe not... conventional.

I'm not sure what happened but I ended up getting so deep into it. Learning so much and realizing that I can only go so far. Airbrushing, primer, thinner, ratios, surfacer, sanding, grit numbers, lacquers, enamels, styrene, sawing, drilling, customizing, ball joints, decalling. It's just a hobby right?!

Will it ever get to the point where it's not fun anymore? I don't know but I'm not there yet. It's still fun. I'm still learning. I don't aspire to much but I enjoy the process of improving. And actually using my creative faculties again. And more importantly... I'm making something. Concretely. Made for display. Something I can look at and be proud of. I can say, this is mine and there isn't another one like this anywhere! Yeah someone can make a better one in the same shape and colours bit that's theirs is and this.... this is yours. All yours. And you can do what you want with it. So I guess it kinda comes down to control for me.

I can manipulate this as I see fit. Anyway I want. It doesn't affect anyone else. I am the master here and it's ok! Call it a power trip if you want but doesn't it feel good sometimes to have 'complete' control over something? No repercussions? Guilt free. Of course there are other things I should be doing. More... productive you could say. But none of those productive things are as fun.

I've guess I've come to realize that I love machines. I always have. But I don't have a head for engineering. MY strength has always been in art. So perhaps my loves are manifesting through this. I don't know many people like me, but now I know they're out there and they exist and they are many. It's reassuring. Of course we all want to feel special and unique but we also want to feel like we belong somewhere. That we aren't alone. That someone understand us. It's important. Humans weren't mean to live lives of complete isolation. We're social creatures. That sense of belonging is necessary.

So I indulge and find myself being constantly amazed at what I discover. How far people have gone. What they can create. And I think that's the fuel for all of this. Why 40 minutes can turn into 4 hours. I just want to keep pushing. To bring life to what's lifeless. haha plastic designed to look like metal machines. Life?... Maybe substance is more appropriate. Meaning. Depth. More than just plastic.

But sometimes I get so sucked in and then I look back and think I've been spending too much time with the plastic robot men. Ignoring the actual humans in my life. Perhaps I even treat my models better than I do other people. Show them more attention. Think of them more... and that's not right.

No matter what you do, be it fishing, knitting, cars, games, hell even if you're trying to make a space ship in your basement... sometimes you gotta take a step back and look at what's important. Plastic and paint can always been replaced and repaired. But repairing people, emotions and all.... that's infinitely more difficult.

And replacing them? Forget it.