On video game addiction

I do feel like I'm stemming the tide a bit on my addiction.  I'm starting to treat it more seriously as time goes on because time really does tell the story.  Is this what it's like for alcoholics when they say "I'll always be an alcoholic."?  

I'll always be a modeler?  
There are worse things in life to be I guess.

I had a strong epiphany yesterday when I was playing Demon's Souls for the PS3 and got killed and had to start over at the checkpoint.  
It was so frustrating.  
All the work I'd done had been erased essentially.  

It's something that gamers have to understand very well because we're dying all the time and we have to learn from those mistakes. Still I had been playing for hours and it seemed like I'd really gotten nowhere.  It made me wonder how I was using my time.  I talked with a friend about this and she reminded me about loving life and wasting time.

Life is made out of time so what are you doing if you're wasting your time?

...and at that point I felt that video games were kind of a waste because I literally hadn't gotten any further than that starting point. That's not exactly true and I still did learn some stuff but the point stands.  It's just sheer stubbornness.  Even with the mobile games.  At a certain point it just feels like work and if it does why are you doing it?  We're supposed to be enjoying this!  It's called "recreation"! 

Right now I feel that building models is better because at least you have something tangible at the end of it and you're using your hands in the crafting.  It's creative and it will survive if you want it to, they can represent something if you want it to.  They can be whatever you want really. 

When you put that beside video games it's a bit clearer.  Games keep you on a predetermined path, you may spend who knows how many hours doing the same thing over and over again and they're more expensive usually.  The aspects of creativity aren't really there, the hands-on idea of creating something isn't there either so when you think about it, what are we really getting from the games that we spend so much time playing?  What do we get at the end of it all? I've beaten hundreds of games, have so many save files from over the years... what did I actually get for that time?  The 200+ hours I spent on Skyrim?  Or all the Final Fantasy games?   And if you play games that's something that you have to ask yourself.  There's no real freedom.  Whereas with modeling... it's almost complete freedom.  That's the point!  To bring creation to our recreation.

With this, something physical remains so in the grand scheme of things perhaps being a plamo addict isn't that bad at all.

Plastic model addiction

*This was an unreleased post that was stuck in the drafts since May 2014.  I fixed it up and released it.  Still relevant.*

It's nice to come back sometimes and take a look around.  Because I'm in between places a lot of my stuff is still in boxes but it's all consolidated for better or for worse.  There was a time when my stuff was divided between Japan and Canada but it's all together and has been for a while. In my other place I had a room to work on things but I never spent much time there.  I had a display case that I used but I quickly found out that I'd probably need about 2 or 3 of them to have everything out.

I just bought indiscriminately and having a lot of material possessions isn't really in line with my new philosophy on life.  That philosophy says that I have to let things go and I have two things that I have trouble letting go of.  Books and Gundams.  There are always friends, memories and grudges as well but let's not digress into that right now.

While I've been working on the endless waltz project ( #ourendlesswaltz) I've been doing a little bit of consolidating and organizing.  Trying to get the stuff I need to finish this project.  That has required me go through a lot of stuff to find out what I need.  I've been organizing stuff along the way... and I'm getting pretty close to having a good system.  I wish I had all the space I need to do this.  In truth just organizing stuff could take some time but even after it all I'm not sure where all of this stuff is going to go.  It will probably all end up in  box shoved in a corner somewhere while I try to get my life together.  Who knows what will happen.

That might explain some of my reluctance to go too far into this hobby these days.  I don't think it's really something for someone with an unstable life.  But it's still nice to go through these things and see what I've accumulated over the years. They all come with their own memories.  I'm still happy that I have some of the things I do.  Until I learn to let go of this I think it's still fair to say that I'll always have a plamo addiction.

As always I'll evolve with the times and circumstances. Right now the time is for organizing and creating a system.  Not for making new models but for doing the right thing with the stuff I already have.  I think it's fair to say that I won't be expanding much anymore.  I won't be adding many more things to the library.

But I remember seeing at Anime North last weekend one of the first 1/144 model Kampfers.  A pale sea green/blue colour.  All the parts were there.  I looked at it and thought that I could do something amazing with it.  It was only 2 dollars.  I don't have a Kampfer of my own.

It's hard for me to turn away mecha that don't have homes.  Or aren't living up to their potential.

I hope that Kampfer found a home.  I didn't take it because I couldn't provide it with one.  I knew I'd get home and he'd just go into the backlog pile of things I haven't finished.  Do I really need to add any more.?  Even for two dollars... It would take up a lot more time.

I feel like someone else could have given that Kampfer a better home.  But I wonder now.... what better home could an old beaten down mecha have than with a bunch of other old, beaten down mecha.

And even now I still think of him.  Maybe I should have rescued him from whatever fate he had in store.  Alone in a box unwanted.  Or destroyed.  Thrown in the trash.

I could have given him a good home.  Maybe not the best but... he would have been loved.  And he would have been cared for. 

In the end what more do any of us really need?

Not the one I saw.  But this is cool :)